Learning to Self-Love

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Upon reading the title and purpose if this blog, someone may be thinking that these posts will not apply to them. However, these posts are not just for women, but for men as well. And fat-acceptance isn’t limited to those who are over a certain size. People of all sizes struggle with loving their bodies. And people of all sizes struggle with not seeing fat as a negative thing. At its core, this blog will be about self-love and self-acceptance.

The ideas of self-love and self-acceptance are fairly self-explanatory. Self-love is having extreme pride and being overly fond of oneself (Wordnetweb).  And Self-acceptance is the ability to love every part of oneself (Seltzer). Unlike self-esteem, which is when someone focuses only on their positives, self-acceptance is about recognizing all their flaws as well (Seltzer). Loving oneself can sometimes be seen as narcissism or being conceited. However, these words have the negative connotation of a person not caring about others and being self-absorbed. In our society, people (especially women) are so often taught that they need to be selfless and that serving others will make them happier (Fromm). Women are expected to find a husband and have children so they can devote their time and love to them. But, when someone has such a low opinion of himself or herself, that hate is often projected onto the people around them. When self-loathing is turned into self-love, then love and understanding of others is much easier (Fromm). There is nothing selfish about self-love.

The journey to learning to love oneself is riddled with ups and downs. Learning to love myself took years. My freshman year of high school has been the hardest time in my life so far. Transferring to a high school that was not my base school meant trading in the few friends I had in my middle school for a high school with approximately 3,000 strangers. My biggest struggle was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. Being in the visual art program meant going from being the best student in my eighth grade art class to being in a room full of artists who were all the best in their classes. The same was true for all the pre-AP classes I took. I was no longer the smartest in the class. And of course P.E. was a huge embarrassment. I had to wear shorts that were too tight for me while running laps and sprinting up and down bleachers. In my case, my greatest bully was myself. 

I had spent so much of my time freshman and sophomore year focusing on others and how I was not like them. So when it came to self-love; I had to learn to focus on myself. Picking out my greatest flaws was so easy. It is picking my greatest attributes, the best parts of me, which took time. I realized that it is okay that I am not perfect because no one else is. Over a course of four years, I learned to accept myself a little at a time. Loving myself does not mean that I think I am without fault. By practicing self-love, I accept myself and the body I am in but I still know that I’m not perfect and I accept that as well.  

It is very difficult to give advice on how someone can improve their view of themselves. Self-love is all about the relationship between a person and themselves, so to tell a person how to love himself or herself is actually quite pointless. Self-love came when I was ready to love myself. Anyone telling me how great I was when I had such a low opinion of myself would just fall on deaf ears. Self-love came of my own volition. My only advice would be to stop looking to others and start focusing within. This is where self-love starts.

Works Cited

Fromm, Erich. "Selfishness and Self-Love." Psychiatry. Journal for the Study of Interpersonal Process. New ed. Vol. Vol.2. Washington: William Alanson Psychiatric Foundation, 1939. 507-23. Print.

Seltzer, Leon F. “Evolution of the Self.” The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance. Psychology Today, 9 Sept. 2008. Web. 17 Jan. 2013

Wordnetweb. Princeton, n.d. Web.