Upon
reading the title and purpose if this blog, someone may be thinking that these
posts will not apply to them. However, these posts are not just for women, but
for men as well. And fat-acceptance isn’t limited to those who are over a
certain size. People of all sizes struggle with loving their bodies. And people
of all sizes struggle with not seeing fat as a negative thing. At its core,
this blog will be about self-love and self-acceptance.
The ideas of self-love and
self-acceptance are fairly self-explanatory. Self-love is having extreme pride and being overly fond
of oneself (Wordnetweb). And Self-acceptance
is the ability to love every part of oneself (Seltzer). Unlike self-esteem,
which is when someone focuses only on their positives, self-acceptance is about
recognizing all their flaws as well (Seltzer). Loving oneself can sometimes be
seen as narcissism or being conceited. However, these words have the negative
connotation of a person not caring about others and being self-absorbed. In our
society, people (especially women) are so often taught that they need to be
selfless and that serving others will make them happier (Fromm). Women are
expected to find a husband and have children so they can devote their time and
love to them. But, when someone has such a low opinion of himself or herself, that hate
is often projected onto the people around them. When self-loathing is turned
into self-love, then love and understanding of others is much easier (Fromm).
There is nothing selfish about self-love.
The journey to learning to love
oneself is riddled with ups and downs. Learning to love myself took years. My
freshman year of high school has been the hardest time in my life so far.
Transferring to a high school that was not my base school meant trading in the
few friends I had in my middle school for a high school with approximately
3,000 strangers. My biggest struggle was constantly comparing myself to
everyone around me. Being in the visual art program meant going from being the
best student in my eighth grade art class to being in a room full of artists
who were all the best in their classes. The same was true for all the pre-AP
classes I took. I was no longer the smartest in the class. And of course P.E.
was a huge embarrassment. I had to wear shorts that were too tight for me while
running laps and sprinting up and down bleachers. In my case, my greatest bully
was myself.
I had spent so much of my time
freshman and sophomore year focusing on others and how I was not like them. So
when it came to self-love; I had to learn to focus on myself. Picking out my
greatest flaws was so easy. It is picking my greatest attributes, the best
parts of me, which took time. I realized that it is okay that I am not perfect
because no one else is. Over a course of four years, I learned to accept myself
a little at a time. Loving myself does not mean that I think I am without fault.
By practicing self-love, I accept myself and the body I am in but I still know
that I’m not perfect and I accept that as well.
It is very difficult to give advice
on how someone can improve their view of themselves. Self-love is all about the
relationship between a person and themselves, so to tell a person how to love himself
or herself is actually quite pointless. Self-love came when I was ready to love myself.
Anyone telling me how great I was when I had such a low opinion of myself would just
fall on deaf ears. Self-love came of my own volition. My only advice would be
to stop looking to others and start focusing within. This is where self-love
starts.
Works
Cited
Fromm, Erich.
"Selfishness and Self-Love." Psychiatry. Journal for the Study of
Interpersonal Process. New ed. Vol. Vol.2. Washington: William Alanson
Psychiatric Foundation, 1939. 507-23. Print.
Seltzer, Leon F.
“Evolution of the Self.” The Path to
Unconditional Self-Acceptance. Psychology Today, 9 Sept. 2008. Web. 17 Jan.
2013
Wordnetweb. Princeton, n.d. Web.
You have a great post here. I should have recommended a definition post early on like this one, because what you do well is define the terms you will be using for the rest of the semester. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteYou bring up quite a few "cans of worms" in this post. And I think you could expand on the idea that women must be selfless yet in a secondary role in relationships (with parents, partners, and children, for example). Dig into this much more! Because look at TV: fat acceptance is all well and good for men. Many male characters in King of Queens or Rosanne are large and not hampered by weight issues; they're still considered available love interests. But their women? They're the ones that get the criticism. Posts on societal pressure, Western norms of beauty, and patriarchy would be welcome!